Step Two
by DySolo
Summary: LR DB Series. 21. Lila wants to know more about Tobias. Spoilers up to 3x16


**Title: Step One  
****Pairing: Lila/Reid  
****Series Information: 21 of L/R DB Section, following Effort.  
**Check out Morgan's and Elle's Sections! They're unloved. :( (In order, as of now, it goes Bombshells (M), Damaged (E), One of the Other (Both?) Break (E), Unanswered (E), Insatiable (M), Shallow, which is elle/reid and rated M (E), Hollow (M)) Get it? Kinda confusing, I know.  
**Summary: Lila finds out more about Tobias Hankel  
****Author's note: **I have a few so deal with me! First! again, Morgan and Elle's sections have been started. There's 8 or 9 already in their stories (see above for all.) I think they're pretty agnsty as of now and I would love to know what y'all think. Second, I've posted some new Lila/Reid stories that aren't in this series. 24 and None and look for the sequel to 24, which will be called 40 whenever I post it. I wonder though, for those who read that one - do you just want one long story with random weeks or do you want 40 mini chapters for each week? Tell me what you think! and THIRD! I don't remember what third was. so just Enjoy. :)

* * *

"Tell me what happened with Tobias."

Spencer tenses. "What?"

"You've never told me about it."

"You didn't want to know."

"I want to know now. You couldn't save him, like that kid…. It bothers you. You never say that it was Tobias that hurt you. You…care about him."

"He's dead. I killed him."

"I know….but…. It's more than that isn't? You couldn't save him."

Spencer closes his book. "I don't want to talk about this, Lye."

"The second step is to…. Accept that you need strength beyond yourself, help you restore…whatever - This bothers you and you can't fix it by yourself. Tell me… let me help."

"You can't help, remember? You don't know what it's like."

She sighs. "Spence, he's the reason you started-"

"I was the reason I started to use. The first step, remember? Admitting that you have a problem, that I was powerless over the drug. I made the choice to start and I became addicted."

"You didn't choose to start, though…"

"I choose to continue it, in order to escape-"

"From what you did! Which makes it relevant, which means you need to tell me."

"I don't need to do-"

"Spencer, I need to know what happened to you. They told me you died and then he saved you and I saw you there and I got scared and I walked away without ever knowing what really happened and then you started drugs and….I need to know, please."

He looks at her, studying her face before frowning.

"JJ and I went to talk to a witness who had called the police. We got there and he told us he hadn't called, well… I figured out then that the only reason that one would call and then deny was to see how long it took the police to come to know how long the unsub would have to commit the crime and get out before the police arrived."

She watches as he explains everything that happened. How he beat and then how Tobias would try to help him the way he had helped himself with his father and the religion. She learned that Charles and Raphael were the two that did all the damage, that Tobias had been the old that brought him back to life. Tobias was the reason he was alive.

"And I could see the lights, I knew they were coming, so I grabbed the gun… just to stall. There was only one bullet in the gun. I didn't want to kill him, Lila. But Charles… Raphael, I don't know… he came at me with a knife and I pulled the trigger, shot him right in the heart and I knew… I knew that Tobias would never make it and he…. He looked up at me and he was just…. He was so happy that his dad was gone. That Raphael was gone and…" He shakes his head, looking at his hands. "He saved my life and I killed him. How… how is…"

"He would have never been at peace, Spence. He never would have been able to get rid of his other personalities."

"You don't know that. You can't. There's studies that people have integrated their alters. With the right-"

She shook her head. "His alters killed people, Spence, for no good reason. You killed people for a reason, because it was the only way and you still struggle with it everyday and you're much stronger than he ever could have. He never would have been at peace."

"He deserved to try. He deserved the right to try."

She moves closer to him and kisses his forehead.

"You've got to let go of it, Spence. You can't continue to beat yourself up for what you had to do."

"They were right there, Lila! My team was right there! I didn't have to kill him! I was… I wanted to kill Charles for what he did to me! I wanted to make him pay."

She leans back at his words. His eyes widen as he realizes what he just said before he gets up.

"I… I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did."

"No. No, I didn't. I…" She watches as he paces a little, his left hand going to scratch at the inner of his elbow.

"It's okay, Spence."

"It's not okay. It's not okay. It's not okay."

She gets up and grabs his hands to keep from clawing at his skin. "He had a knife, he was going to kill you. You were digging your own grave, Spencer. You knew he was going to kill you and with your team so close, he had to do it quick. He wasn't going to let you survive. He would have came at you and he would have killed you. You had to shoot him."

"But I wanted to! I wanted to shoot him! The fact that I had to is moot. The fact that I wanted to makes me like him. Like _them."_

She doesn't know what to say. She just holds on to his hands until he pulls back, his hand rubbing against his face. She reaches out again and he pushes her hands again before walking towards the bathroom. She starts to follow him before pausing. She hears the water begin to run before she grabs his phone, looking through it before finding Elle's number.

"Hey sexy." She answers

Lila rolls her eyes. "It's Sexy's girlfriend."

Elle snorts. "Sorry, Loca. What's up?"

"You killed someone, right?"

There's a pause. "Excuse me?"

"You killed someone you wanted dead right? That… Lee guy?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Tobias Hankel."

"Loca, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Will you just come over and talk to Spencer, please? He…He needs.. I can't help him with this."

She looks back at the bathroom.

"I'll be right over."

****

Deal Breaker || Step One

Lila watches from the door as Elle and Spencer talk in his office. It had taken them a while to get him to sit down with Elle, but when he does, she feels better. He was right, Lila didn't understand, but Elle did. Elle knew exactly what it was like to feel like he felt, to do what he did. She watches as he curls up in himself and Elle scoots closer to him. Elle had gone through her own addiction, she had beat it. She had dealt with everything that he was dealing with. She was perfect to help him.

Lila steps away from the door, moving into the kitchen, trying to do something helpful. She could make them dinner or tea or something. Spencer didn't drink much tea, but Lila didn't drink coffee. She could make both. She ran her hands through her hair before leaning against the counter.

Spencer had wanted to kill the other personalities. What did that mean? Did it change anything? Spencer had killed people before Tobias Hankel. It was part of his job. Did it really bother her that he had killed the person who had tortured him? No. No, it didn't. She was glad Tobias Hankel or Charles or whatever the hell Spencer wanted to call him- she was glad he was gone. She was glad that he could never hurt Spence again, or anyone for that matter. And it wasn't like Spencer had just walked up to him after the fact and shot him, the man was coming at him with a knife. Even if Spencer wanted to kill him, he had to do it as well. If he got a little comfort from doing it too, so what?

Did that make her a bad person? She knew Spencer was in there, struggling from it. Upset with himself for doing it. She sighed and turned to the coffee maker, needing to do something other than think about this. It was going to drive her crazy. She started the coffee before looking back in the office, Elle and Spencer were in a big discussion. Elle looked serious and Spencer's brow was furrowed. He'd look cute if he wasn't hurting so much. She chews on his nails as she waits.


End file.
